I think we throw
around phrases like “God has a plan!” and “Just trust God!” far too liberally
these days. I’m a firm believer in using
words in their proper context and from a point of genuine understanding and truth. I believe this so much, in fact, that I actually forbade my
daughter from using the words “I’m sorry” for a period of time because she
repeatedly used them incorrectly and without real meaning. (Okay . . . moments like these are probably what prompt my husband to affectionately call me "the warden.") My point is that I,
too, use these phrases and am guilty of doing so without truly understanding
what I am saying at times. Trusting in
Him and His divine plan often leads us to the jumping-off point in life to be
overcome with peace that can only come from above . . . that which sees us through
the unfathomable.
So this is my story--the path I traveled to understanding His
plan--and one I have no intention of leaving.
Growing Up
I was more than
blessed to have grown up in a Christian home surrounded by faith-filled
extended and church family. I accepted Christ as my personal Savior at a very
young age and rededicated my life to the Lord as a teenager. The believers’
language and speech have always been quite familiar and such an integral part
of my everyday life. Hearing testimonials of fellow believers who were “called”
to serve was quite commonplace.
Of course, my
deep southern upbringing coincided with these experiences and the expectation
that we are all to serve humbly and with great doses of southern hospitality! But
to receive a “calling” into ministry is something different entirely, something
I was sure I understood.
Then I got mine.
You see, I had
spent my whole life as the child of small business owners--a childcare center,
in fact. My mother was a teacher and a child at heart herself. Work ethic and
contribution were instilled practically from birth, with education and matters
of children and families a part of everyday living. This was especially true
around the dinner table each evening. I began working
in the family business at age 13 and have been working in some capacity ever
since.
A Passion for Teaching
These experiences
served me well and no doubt provided the best background for an Early Childhood
major in college. I completed my Master’s degree in teaching and, like most
first year teachers, couldn’t wait to begin shaping minds and living the idyllic
one-room schoolhouse teacher scenario with nary a book out of place and a
freshly polished apple each morning from adoring, knowledge-hungry students!
You are waiting
for the shocking, disillusioned reality, aren’t you? Truth is, I did have a
great first year (well, minus the polished apples and neat-as-a-pin classroom). I was
newly married with no children of my own, so my students became “my children; they
had my full attention and all of my heart. What strides were made that year! What
connections! What growth! And that was just me! But, it was not meant to last.
My husband and I
found out that we were expecting our first child that year (to be born in the summer, so
as not to upset the school year, of course). She would be the first grandchild on my side of
the family and the desire of my mother’s heart! Georgia was born in July. She was beautiful,
alert, and precious beyond measure. But what should have been the most joyous
and irreplaceable experience in the lives of new parents quickly turned to
devastation.
Broken Hearts
My mother, the
proud new grandmother, suffered a seizure at work the day after I gave birth. The days that followed are now just a blur of doctors, surgeries, diagnoses, and talk of the brain tumor that turned our world upside down. All
the while, I couldn’t be at her side . . . my mother’s side . . . my best friend’s
side. We were in separate hospitals, which could just as easily have been a
million miles apart. More emotions than we’ve ever known and pain that would
eventually lead to strength were dispensed in large doses.
Facing losing my mother was beyond devastating. We had become the best of friends and she had been so excited to be becoming a Grammy Bear. The deep sadness of knowing my children will never grow to know her and not having her here to ask questions as they grow, comes in tsunami size waves some days.
We all go through
pain here on earth, and none is like another. Age doesn’t determine what we know
in this life; it’s our experiences and faith in the aftermath. At 26, my “life”
had essentially just begun with newness aplenty--new wife, new teacher, new mother, new home. But by 29, I felt as though I had aged two decades. By then
we had two children, my mother had gone to be with the Lord, the family's childcare
business that had prepared me so well for my teaching career was now my own,
and between running the business, teaching kindergarten, managing the books,
and forging ahead with new construction to expand, I was nearly at the end of
my lucid rope.
Losing my mother
and, in turn, losing the path that I had
chosen for my life, put me in a spiral of unending busyness and shallow filler.
Those who know me best know my life still emits an air of “eau de on-the-go!” But this was something altogether
different. I was so frantically trying to get back to a place in my life where
everything made sense again and where I had purpose (of my own interpretation).
I learned a lot in the years to come about priority, worth, and my own faith.
As a good
southern Christian girl, I would never dream of interpreting the Lord’s intent
of the experiences in my life. But I will say that in all suffering, there is
hope and there is renewal, at least for me. My husband and I had been a bit
inconsistent in our church attendance in the years leading up to my mother’s
death. But in the months following her passing, I had a strong desire to return
to my smaller childhood church family. We returned to the wise council that our
pastor gave us before we married: "to grow closer to Christ will draw you closer to one
another.” My husband gave his life to the Lord and found a genuine, close
friendship with our pastor. Our relationship became so much more than we could
have ever felt on our wedding day. My heart leaps with joy in knowing that he will
spend eternity with our Lord!
A New Path
So there I was, off
my track, but discovering newness of
life in our darkest hour. I’d be lying if I said returning to my home church
and finding comfort in our renewed relationships was the glorious rescue from
my hurt and floundering. Don’t misunderstand--I was still able to work, teach,
cope, mother, and be a wife to my husband . . . ever the southern belle on the
outside, but I was a “hot mess” on the inside. I did all of that and knew in my
head how fortunate I was to have the opportunity to be with my own children, to be
their teacher, and to be my own boss (for those of you who are self-employed,
feel free to insert your thoughts here).
The problem was
getting my heart to understand. Pressing on, I heeded the advice of family and
others I held in high regard to take charge of my situation. I made changes
within myself as an employer and teacher. Dealing with families on a large
scale required much more than just tending to children and teaching them in the
classroom. (The children are the easy part!) I was longing for the life I knew
as a child--a tight family, a very close relationship with my mother, and
happiness.
Driving in to
work one day, I realized it was me; I desperately needed an attitude adjustment. I needed to quit mourning the life and plans I had had for myself. I needed to just
get over myself! I needed to be in a relationship with my Savior and allow him
to use me as He intended; little did I realize, He was already at work.
Using My Gifts
What blessings I
did have! What gifts I had been given!
Relinquishing control is not one of my strong suits, but looking back, I found
the strongest sense of control as a result of this revelation. God took control
of my life in a more powerful way than I had ever experienced. Everything in my
life up to that point started to make sense rather than feel to be in such
disarray.
As is the case
with most life-altering experiences, they come out of nowhere. Unexpected opportunities
fell into place. I got the amazing chance to continue my own education and to draw on my own experience to become a certified parenting coach. Having been in the classroom for a number
of years, becoming a parenting coach seemed to be a great resource to have in
my line of work and an enhancement at best. (But there I go again thinking that I have it
all figured out!)
Just like that
first-year teacher experience so many years ago, I was eager to share with
parents. And so began Happily Parenting. Over those next few years, I rekindled a friendship from my high school days and church youth group. Andrea, in her ever graceful and passionately
steadfast manner, jumped in with both feet! This unexpected partnership continues to prove Him again and again. I am always amazed at His timing and putting people in place just when we need them. Andrea, too, has had a couple twists and turns in the road, but those are hers to share in her own time. Together, with a tremendous behind-the-scenes support team of family and friends, we pressed on. Word began to spread, and paths that neither of us had EVER considered crossed
ours; before we knew it, He was practically screaming. It was one of those surreal moments when you realize YOU are that child taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r. We all have at least one kid like that, right?
Happily Parenting . . . Happily Obeying
In the early part
of last year, my husband and I sat down and really went through it. God was calling again, and we knew we had to
heed. The life that I had known (so well that it was practically my own identity) was about to change in a major way.
We announced our plans to close our childcare center. We had a full house of 120 children, dozens
more waiting, seventeen employees, and all the families they were each
connected to.
“God has a plan; trust
Him.” But really, God!? I just knew that I could do both. I mean, the thought of
closing nearly sent me over the edge with guilt and distress for those I felt
responsible to care for. But I also was
experiencing peace about the decision to close. So I said, “Yes,
Lord!” and I trusted Him.
It took me a bit
to get my bearings after closing those doors. This was a life that I had no idea how to live, and that first Monday was far
too quiet. But I was still, and I knew
without a shadow of doubt we had acted in obedience. Over the next few months, I took on a long-term subbing
position because I needed to fill my days--and come on, not being in the classroom was
just NOT an option! But once again, God said, “No! FOCUS, daughter!” (I’m pretty sure
there was a “hard-head” muttered in there somewhere too.)
So here I am,
14 years from that start of things . . . graced and supplied with all my life
experiences, gifts, and talents He saw fit to use through me, and supported by
those He chose just for His work.
Grounded in Biblical truths, I am thrilled to encourage parents to raise humble, God-fearing,
well-behaved children. It was my
plan to forever teach children, but His plan
includes reaching out to parents in order to strengthen families. So after reaching
a point in my life where everything seems to have regained normalcy and my joy
has returned, He smiles down and says, “Now, go do this to further My Kingdom."
As with many other times in my life, I was thrown curves aplenty. But
time after time, it wasn't WHAT is around the bend, but WHO. Allowing Christ
to take full control of my life and to use me as His vessel is beyond any sense
of control I can muster on my own--and it is so much more fulfilling! Allowing the
Holy Spirit to fill me and use me has brought more joy to my life than any path
I could ever lay out on my own. Through my trials, doubts, and fears, He has
proven Himself. What seemed to be an eternity has been but a blink and has
brought me to the place I was meant to be!
I still have much to learn and a lot more growing to do . . . but how exciting it will be! I love what I do,
I love getting to be with my own children at this time in their lives, and my
identity no longer rests in me, but in Him.
I. Am. Trusting.
So that’s my
story; how I came to be at this place in
my life.
Many details--some
that are super sad, some that are waaay funny, and even more that are real life, you-gotta-be-kidding-me, in your
face--are not included here. Those
details I’ll save (for now)!
