Attention Mothers:

www.happilyparenting.com

Celebrating the Women in our Lives!

Teachers, mothers, nurses . . . what a week to celebrate the women in our lives who live out these verses!

Photo courtesy of Ron Lambros Ministries, Inc.

If you don't do anything else this summer . . . .

Team OPI or Team Essie? Or something else?

I mean . . . if you don't do ANYTHING ELSE we've suggested in this series . . . .

#livesummerdeliberately

Summer Reading . . . for YOU

What was the best "purely for pleasure" book that you've read recently? Join us over at https://www.facebook.com/StaceyWatts.laugh and share your picks for summer reading!

 #livesummerdeliberately

It's What We Were Made For

We were made for relationships!

#livesummerdeliberately

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day from the Happily Parenting staff!

Whatcha Got Wednesday: February 10, 2016 Edition

Q: I have two children, ages 6 and 8. I love my children very much, but I don't really like them most days. What is wrong with me? I feel like a failure as a mother!

A: First, let me say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The only thing you have working against you is also the same thing you have going for you: you were born! Each of us--born sinners that we are--are also created in Christ's image. We love because He loves us so much so he gave his own Son for us! As parents, how many of us would be able to do such a thing? Most of us can barely fathom the thought of them sleeping over at a friend's house! As John Rosemond puts it, "We are but sinners raising sinners." While we are shooting for sainthood, obtaining wisdom in this life is full of struggle and frustration.

No doubt you love your children, and I would even go so far as to say you'd give your life for them! For most parents, that is a given, even in cases where the definition of "love" is a bit skewed. But it would be absurd to suggest that you don't relate more to one child over another and that this itself will change as they grow. It's just simple logic and personality understanding. So it makes sense that you won't necessarily "like" your children all the time. My own children and I had this very conversation once.

WHAT!?!?!? YOU TOLD YOUR KIDS YOU DON'T LIKE THEM!!!???

Yes . . . calm down . . . wait for it . . . .

My daughter asked one random afternoon driving down the road (because the big questions are never set up like an after-school special) who I loved more, her or her brother? Both were in the car, by the way; it instantly became like rapid fire as they both tried offering their best and obviously self-absorbed answer to the question in play. Ya feel me? I told her that I loved them both the same; a mother's love can't be measured, but if it could, each of their cups would be full. I was sure to include that they were two very different people . . . very reminiscent of the book I Love You the Purplest by Barbara M. Joosse (I taught both of my children kindergarten and first grade, so of course I use every opportunity to interject a book reference--I can't help myself!) Like most conversations of this nature, she pressed on and on, to which I calmly and very matter-of-factly added, "But sometimes I like you different." She immediately responded with, "Like right now, you like him more cause I'm bugging you?" Bingo, little girl.

Of course, my experience with this emotional struggle is quite different from other families I've worked with. I've known parents who have tried to fight every battle for their children from day one, never held them accountable, consistency was out the window, and the resulting self-induced behavioral challenges were too numerous to mention. I've had these parents sitting before me weeping when they had finally reached the point of breaking because of the "love" they thought they were giving the child. I asked, "I bet most days you dread picking him up from childcare after work?" The mother sobbed and simply said, "Yes." She was quick to defend her love but had to admit that she didn't "like" what her son was becoming and could hardly stand to be around him. As sad as this is, it is very common. 

I don't know the depth of your situation, but if you find that you relate more to the latter scenario, step back and assess your situation. Are you stuck in a season of serving your children because you believe that "that's what good mothers do"--yet you now realize that you're raising a narcissist? If you're there, I want you to know that getting back on track is not impossible. I would love to talk with you more.

Bottom line: truly loving your children comes in your parenting attitude and how well you lead your children. When we can love them in this way, chances are we are gonna like them on most days too!

Let's talk!

--Stacey

Whatcha Got Wednesday: January 13, 2016 Edition

Q: What is the most appropriate age to have "the talk" with my daughter?

A: First, and most importantly, recognize that it is never just one talk. Teaching your daughters--and sons too, for that matter--about moral and Biblical truths about sex and such MUST be a continuous conversation. For a lot of parents, talking about such things with your children can be quite intimidating and overwhelming.

Go straight to the Word. Using scripture as your guide gives you just the right thing to say and a multitude of opportunities to discuss so much more.

At my house, we've had those initial break-the-ice convos about menstrual cycles and how a baby is made. So when they were around 10-11, my children and I worked through the book of Proverbs. We read a chapter a day, taking time to discuss every couple of verses. Our conversation has been very open and age-appropriate. I am a firm believer in answering only what they ask. Yes, we need to educate, but we don't need to over-educate. It is a delicate balance when you're talking about preservation of childhood innocence. However, I don't want them getting the 411 via magazines in the grocery checkout or in the school bathroom between classes.

God's Word will never fail you. Use it as your guide always. And when it comes to those tough conversations, LITERALLY use it as your guide. Sex and relationship discussions, especially when discussed using the Bible, more often than not, lead to discussions about SO many other facets of living out your faith. It isn't enough for them (or anyone for that matter) to hear us say "believe THIS." They need to know why, ask questions, and dig deeper. We all do!

Talking to our children about sex and relationships needs to be interwoven naturally in our daily lives. This world is sure enough throwing more "knowledge" at them than we can shake a stick, flag, gun, or gender role at! This means addressing why you choose not to wear words across the buttocks of your pants for example, wearing appropriate colored bras under certain clothing to stay modest, and why you will NOT be purchasing thongs for your daughter in middle school. You get the point . . . .

We have to wake up and realize that being overwhelmed and unsure of how to even approach some of these topics needs to be conquered! If you're nervous or hesitant . . . get over it. This is a big deal! It is our responsibility to our children and their future spouses to stay ahead of what the world is teaching.

Use the Word . . . make time to have those conversations . . . and develop those relationships. They won't just come you one day to discuss the burning desires or fears of their hearts if there's been no foundation. Start now. They need you.


--Stacey

A Real Barn Burner

Don't get me wrong: I hate seeing retailers stocking the shelves for Christmas before I've even enjoyed my 4th of July BBQ.

The speed at which holidays seem to blaze through gets faster and faster every year . . . but . . . Valentine's Day . . . it is MY FAVORITE!

We just celebrated Christmas, but for whatever reason, I am all over Valentine's 2016! It started yesterday as I was perusing a catalog that was very reminiscent of Current (is that still around?) Anywho, it seemed that every page had something to offer in the way of X's and O's, not to mention Easter and St. Patrick's Day. Those three always seem to be a bundled package. It got me thinking about my mom, which I do every day since her passing ten years ago, but more so than usual as I thumbed those pages. You see, my mom was that mom who decorated for every single holiday (including the lawn on my parents' anniversary). I'm pretty sure she coined the phrase "craft room," well before HGTV started cashing in . . . heck, before they were even a household name! Such was the place so much was housed and created, but I digress . . . .

I have fond memories of little wooden figurines and perpetual holiday decor all year long. These are the kinds of memories that wrap you up like a warm blanket. My mom was awesome. Our home was always a home. For whatever reason, I never did this beyond fall decor and Christmas decorations in my own home--until today.

Just last week, I was still plugging in my Christmas tree every night and enjoying the glow. Re-enter the Current-like magazine. Most of our Christmas decorations are red and white, sooooo, with a little adjusting (and 10 to 12 business days for delivery on certain items), I decided to embrace Mom's enthusiasm and holiday homemaker sense of style (minus the 80's touch) and turn our home into a love shack--complete with heart-themed tree!


The surge of desire for such a plan is really twofold: the first, obviously came from my mom, and the second came from an old tradition in my family surrounding Valentine's Day. You see, we celebrate pretty big: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. The story goes (round and round the table every year) that when my father and his siblings were children, they put all of their just-received Christmas gifts (which weren't many but did include a go cart for the four of them to share) in "the barn." It is still a matter of debate as to whom, but someone burned down the barn, gifts and all! Fast forward through the "way they each remember it" to my grandmother. Not having money to replace any of their gifts at the time, she managed to save enough money to get them each a little something special by the middle of February, and so began the first Valentine's Day Breakfast Celebration. She carefully wrapped these small tokens and placed them at their seats during the special "breakfast for supper." It wasn't about recreating Christmas, but bringing a bit of joy to her children during the winter months following this childhood heartbreak.

Every year since then, for nearly 50 years, our family has continued this celebratory event. To our family, the celebration is all about our love for one another--because we all know that so much more could have been lost in that fire. As an extended group, we share breakfast for dinner on the closest Saturday. We even exchange small gifts! Last year, I was so stoked to find ceramic BARNS--and just enough for each aunt, uncle, and my dad! LOL! I couldn't help myself! Each individual family has clung so tightly to the tradition that we each have a special breakfast ON the14th--no matter the day--which means some very early school mornings some years! But nevertheless, it is complete with fun plates (mine are passed down from my mom - shell shaped china plates that we only used for that day), fun cheapy decorations, and of course little gifts for everyone from mom.

Now don't get me wrong: I certainly don't advocate the ridiculousness at which so many have become accustomed the celebrating non-events and gifts for simply breathing. This is a long-standing family tradition, one that started well before every person became a trophy-holding "winner."

I love this holiday for so many reasons. I love the doilies, the HOMEMADE cards, recollections of

Valentine boxes created by my kindergartners from years gone by, and being extra girlie dressed in pink. But nothing compares to the love shared and passed down by these two mothers. These images are forever ingrained and, as a mother, I pray my children, too, will cherish the value of tradition born from a mother's love for her family; the gift of warmth wrapped in sweet memories that they can hold long after I'm gone.

PS - My hubby is totally loving the festive atmosphere. He got a little giddy as I was decorating and asked, "So does this mean 12 days of Valentine's gifts?!?!" (See our November 17th blog.)


No, my love . . . don't get crazy.


XOXO!

--Stacey