Sunday, November 6, 2016

Dear Mr. President

To the future President of the United States:

Got a few things that are heavy on our minds tonight:

  1. If you absolutely must address the nation during Once Upon a Time, could you please be sure that the episode is re-played in its entirety? We still don’t totally know what happened between Hook and his evil father. 
  2. If we must continue to fund our children’s education by cutting out tiny pink squares from yogurt boxes, then we would like to respectfully ask that you see about getting those put on more products . . . for example, if you get them on OPI nail polish, we could personally contribute a L-O-T more.
  3. From what we understand, the new "chip" inside our credit cards is supposed to be safer and more secure and protect us from identity theft (and give us good hair days and maybe eventually lead to a cure for gout). . . . but can we do something about that NOISE that happens when you don't take the card out soon enough? Maybe a nice little bell could ring instead of that "there's-a-tornado-coming" kind of sound.
  4. Solar calculators. We've nailed those. No more batteries! Now, from what we hear, the sun isn't a friend to the skin, but it provides a lovely source of natural, beachy energy, and it definitely isn't going anywhere. Can we look into solar-powered flat irons?
  5. For the love of all things pure and holy and chocolatey and cheesy, could you please speak to a few influential stylists about this skinny jean pandemic?

The Happily Parenting Team
(Looking out for moms everywhere!)