Swap Lists

Just before I got married, someone told me a story that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

A young married couple was feeling the growing pains of adjusting to married life. Their bickering had turned into full-blown fights. But before they went to an attorney, they decided to visit a pastor.

Each one gave a laundry list of what was wrong with the other, and they both explained in great detail why divorce was the only answer. The pastor handed each one a piece of paper and said, “Write down the five biggest needs that you have.” After they completed their lists, they both started to hand them to the pastor, and he said, “Swap lists. Now go home and stay married.”

Girls, do you know what’s on his list? Does he know what’s on your list? (Don’t assume that he knows.) Swap lists. Don’t look at your list anymore—look at his. Even if he doesn’t look at yours, look at his.

Are we making marriage more complicated than it needs to be?

Swap lists.

--Andrea

Marriage 1st, Children 2nd

Yesterday while doing a little shopping with my kids after school, it dawned on me . . . .

"Ya know, Stace, some of the folks reading your blog may be wondering why in the world you guys talk so much about marriage if this is supposed to be all about parenting!?"

That's how it is you know; if you're passionate about anything, you sometimes just assume others are as well--or even worse, that they understand where you're coming from. Obviously not always true.

So here it is:

I (as well as Andrea) are very firm believers in marriage before children. I'll even go one step further and say marriage before sex. How 'bout them apples!? You'll find no apologies here for our very strong belief in traditional marriage and in the divine plan for family balance: our relationship with Christ, then our marriages, THEN children.

I know, I know, I'm such an intolerant, hating, close-minded, old fashioned, ridiculous, ignorant woman. Did I leave anything out? Unrealistic? Yeah, I'm also unrealistic. Did I cover it all?

The truth is, as far as The Word goes, our marriages must come first in the home. I talk to A LOT of parents out there, and the longer I do this, the more I see a trend which, unfortunately, isn't a huge shocker. Parents are struggling. They are doing so primarily because their marriages have never happened, ended in divorce, or are heading in that direction.

We are even defining ourselves by our parental status: "Stay-at-home mom" rather than "housewife." And the logic is usually along the lines of, "I don't live to serve my husband. Why would I call myself a housewife?"

Really? But you're quick to point out that you are a "stay-at-home mom" . . . 'cause THAT doesn't scream "you're all about your children." You are serving your children. Soooooo . . . . ?

We know that the entire family thrives when the marriage thrives. Children who have a front-row seat to a loving marriage will undoubtedly succeed in their own family lives.  This is not to say that children in homes where a parent has passed or single parents for whatever reason can't successfully raise a happy, healthy, God-fearing child. But I will say that I have YET to meet a parent in one of these situations who disagrees that having a happy marriage--and a marriage FIRST--would have been much more preferable.

Here's my point: being "old-fashioned" isn't synonymous with "out of touch" or "ignorant."  It certainly shouldn't be a four letter word either. As far as I can gather, when we're old-fashioned in the ways of marriage and allowing the Biblical model for family to be your guide, most everything else falls right into place. God has the most perfect plan for our families . . . as Gary Chapman says, "it's one of his BEST ideas!"

That's just my two cents.

--Stacey